STUCK IN THE FEAR

This time last year I remember telling a couple of my friends that I would have my business up and running. But as the year unfolded, I did nothing of the sort to make that happen. I settled at a job that made me very unhappy and each day I walked in there, I saw the reflection of my unhappiness. I knew I was settling but I was stuck in fear...fear of the unknown, fear in my capabilities, fear of lacking income, fear of loneliness, fear, fear, fear! I had every excuse in the book to cover up my fears. Deep down I knew, though, that I wanted to be my own boss and run my own schedule. But Fear paralyzed me.

Recently, however, in a twisted hand of fate (or rather, a blessing in disguise) a situation occurred that finally made me just decide to quit. I marched into work with my two week resignation and just quit. I had no clue what to expect or where to go or what was next. I just quit. It was scary but at the same time liberating!

Well, unbeknownst to me, within two weeks of my resignation, I was approached with several job offers! I was amazed! I even had three people approach me for my nutrition services! So, I took that leap of faith and jumped on board to start my nutrition business even though the other job offers offered security and comfort. I knew if I didn't start now, I would never start. So it has been only a couple of weeks but I have NO REGRETS and I am proud of myself for FINALLY committing to what I "intended" this time last year.

MAKE A DECLARATION OF INTENTION and SEE WHAT HAPPENS!

Dumb or Stupid?

You know, I've been waiting around for a couple years hoping and praying that my husband would come around and work on the marriage. I waited and waited and waited. Even though I had all the signs, I still wanted to believe. He 'said' he wanted the marriage to work, but his actions showed nothing of the sort. I started to beat myself up recently, thinking how stupid I have been, wasting these last few years, when I clearly saw with my own eyes that he wasn't doing anything to convince me otherwise. I punished myself these past two years, isolating and eventually falling into a depression. Right now I am saying I'm stupid because it didn't turn out the way that I hoped. But what if things did? Would I have been considered wise and smart???

As of today, however, I see now that this whole experience strengthened me. Would I have done several things different? HELL YEAH! But to be patient, to remain hopeful, to heed caution...that takes a lot of courage. I endured the pain and agony and only became stronger because of it. I now have better tools to assess situations before I get involved. My red-flag radar is on high alert!!!! Through our pain do we mature and become wiser.

So, as I reflect on this, even though I still hurt and am in a lot of pain, I know I did the right thing for me...I honored my convictions. I was neither dumb or stupid. I was learning.

If it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck...

I am consistently being told, as of late, that you can't change a person. I keep responding back that I can be a "light" or a "seed" in someone's life in hopes that the person will one day "get it". Well, as I struggle in my story, I am exhausted. I am so tired of waiting and hoping for change. Again, I am reminded, you can't try to change a person because only you get dissappointed or let down.

So, when is enough, enough? From all of this heartache and pain, I am finally realizing that you can't keep waiting around and putting your life on hold. You have to make choices. Painful choices. Choices that will directly effect the outcome of your future. Now, you can still believe and hope and wish for the best, but it shouldn't stop you from living. You can lead a horse to water but you can't force it to drink. I have given it my all and have left no stone unturned. Change occurs from within. If the person resists change or isn't willing to make attempts to change, you have done your job. You must now walk the other way. Not out of hate or anger or bitterness, but rather, with compassion and sympathy.

We are all on our own journeys. Some people want to grow, some people want to stay stuck. Some people don't know any better. Some people do. When the truth is presented to the person and the person refuses to listen, then you know your time is up. You have done all that you can do and you must cleave the ties that bind you from moving on and affecting your happiness and future. God does not want us to give up hope but when our own life is being affected by the choices of others, we need to re-evaluate that relationship and ask God for direction and guidance. He does not want us to compromise our own morals and values for the sake of someone else cause then that would be "self-righteous" and then we would have to contend with the good Lord, Almighty!

Second Thoughts

When I was little I went to church. Even after my mom stopped going, I still found a way to attend. I enjoyed church. It was my home. But then, when I went to college, I got away from the church. I rationalized that a Christian doesn't need to go to church to be a Christian, but rather, a Christian should walk the talk each and every day. I attended a few churches here and there but never held myself accountable to going. Although, I must admit, every time I did attend, regardless of which church I visited, I always gained something from the sermons. I always walked away with a smile on my face. I felt good. I was at peace. So, then, why did I fight going to church so much if I gained so much fulfillment from it? Was it an inner rebellion? Was it deep guilt and shame? Did I think I could prove something to myself and others? I'm not sure...maybe all of the above.

But now, while going thru something so tremendously painful in my life, I find myself lacking the emotional and spiritual support. I find myself alone, struggling. Each and every time I cry out to God, I hear "you need christian fellowship". I need to surround myself with good, godly women, who will encourage me, uplift me, remind me of how awesome God is! So, I stepped foot in my childhood church two weeks ago and came to discover friends that I never knew attended church! How awesome! Also, since making a commitment to going back to church, I am seeing little blessings occur in my life. That, to me, is priceless. So, I now see the importance of church in a Christian's life. I still hold true to my belief that going to church does not make you a Christian, but now I see the importance of church in a Christian's life...for fellowship, support and encouragement.

I hope this can be a source of inspiration for those that are feeling alone, lost or struggling. Step foot into a church and watch God transform your life!